Emotion and intelligence?
They don’t seem to be concepts that work well together., because we tend to see them as enemies rather than as allies that enhance each other. This is because we perceive intelligence as synonymous with logic and reasoning, which does not seem to go hand in hand with emotions that make us more sensitive to everything and somewhat impulsive, sometimes carrying strong sentimental charges.
However, did you know that this is because we do not know how to train our emotional intelligence? That’s right, emotional intelligence allows us to access our ability to feel without having to overflow all the time, thus helping us to better face and cope with stressful situations, to reduce the stress of everyday life and to express ourselves verbally and emotionally in a more assertive and functional way.
Do you still find this hard to believe? Then keep reading this article where you will finde will tell you what emotional intelligence is all about and how you can be able to train it for everyday use in our general life. of our life in general.
What is emotional intelligence?
It is a psychological concept created and developed by psychologist Daniel Goleman, which states that emotions are part of our being, it is a characteristic of our cognition and behavior, so it is inherent to the way we live our daily lives and understand the reality around us and ourselves.
Therefore, it is important to create a space for its study, understanding and training, since in this way we can maintain an ideal intrinsic balance with respect to what we live in the extrinsic space.
Moreover, it corresponds to the best way to get to know ourselves completely, as it is our emotions that have the greatest influence on how we perceive the world around us and how we end up seeing ourselves. Although we know that this is also influenced by experiences, it is not what we live but what we feel when we go through it that remains in our mind resonating over time.
The importance of our emotions
In addition to the above, we can affirm that the importance of emotional intelligence lies in its adaptive power. That is, if we can understand ourselves, we can understand those positive and negative emotions generated by a particular environment or situation. In the same way, we may be able to have a better understanding of the emotional state of others and sharpen our responses to the demands or obstacles of the world around us.
As you can see by giving the necessary value to your emotions you may be able to have more effective, functional and even easier social skills.functional and even simple social skills. Which in turn will allow you to avoid stress to the unknown, make convenient decisions, be able to evaluate and choose beneficial interpersonal relationships and find your strong voice to communicate with the world.
Ways in which we can train emotional intelligence
Training emotional intelligence is easier than you can imagine, you just have to keep in mind to have an open mind and the willingness to make some adaptive changes to your routine, as you will see below.
1. Start reflecting on yourself
Perhaps this is the first step you should take to start training your own emotional intelligence. It is about generating awareness and sensitivity about what is going on in your life right now: ‘what are the emotions that predominate most throughout your day’ ‘what actions or situations trigger those emotions’ ‘how do you get them off your chest’?
This will help you visualize more clearly the way you perceive the world and your ability to relate to it.
2. How well do you control yourself?
One of the things that is always promoted in psychology is not to repress your emotions, but many can easily confuse this premise with a justification to ‘explode’ at any time and situation of everyday life. When in reality this impulsiveness is not synonymous with emotional expression.
The idea is that you can express your feelings and opinions in an assertive way, that implies knowing how to react to the stressful stimuli that generate that emotional tension. Are you one of those who act before thinking or analyzing the situation first?
3. Practice active listening
Surely when reading this you may think ‘I know how to listen to others, I do it all the time’ but active listening is more than just listening, but being attentive to the whole language of a person. That is, we can express ourselves verbally very easily, but the way we say it, our gestures and comfort is what can ensure that we are being honest with what we say and how we feel about it.
So how can we train active listening? The first step is to talk to the people around you and pay attention not only to the words they use but to their nonverbal language: are they smiling, are they tense, what is their tone of voice like, is their tone weak, are they looking you in the eye or averting their gaze? What are their gestures like?
The second step you should follow is to remove all prejudice from the subject while the person is talking, this is so that your personal beliefs do not alter what the person is saying. Finally, when giving your opinion avoid disqualifying or judging them, try to empathize with their emotions and offer practical solutions to their problem.
4. Focus on solutions
It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to get angry, it’s okay to get frustrated, it’s okay to feel stress, but what is definitely not okay is to stay stuck on the same problem going around and around in an endless circle. This only results in an accumulation of negative emotions and derogatory thoughts towards yourself, which prevent you from being able to concentrate on other issues in your life, weaken your performance and your confidence in your abilities to deal with other situations.
Think about it, what’s the point of thinking about the same problem over and over again? Isn’t it better to solve it and bury it in the past? Instead, focus on thinking: what do I need to do to solve it? is it within your reach or do you need help? what is the most viable path? and above all, what did I learn from this? this way you will not only avoid falling into a similar situation, but you will also be able to face future obstacles in a better way.
5. Observe your perception of the world
We know that not all circumstances are the most ideal for your personal development, however, there are people that even though they constantly change their experience or terrain, they still have difficulties to grow, so what is happening?
This may be related to the way they perceive their world, which may be so dark that prevents them from adapting to it and therefore do not feel they have the opportunities they deserve, when in fact they are the ones who sabotage themselves by not accepting the changes that occur naturally.
Has this been the case for you?
6. Put your life on paper
One of the best ways to train emotional intelligence, as well as to know ourselves is to see our life and how can we see our life? Well, through recreational and creative activities that allow us to keep a record of all our daily experiences.
Some examples of this can be:
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A diary of emotionswhere you relate your life from your point of view without holding anything back and then analyze your reactions, performance and interactions each day.
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An emotion evaluation chartwhere you can place your mood, predominant emotions, positive and negative aspects of yourself for the day, etc. on a chart to see the magnitude of them during the day.
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Apply the technique of the wheel of lifewhich consists of putting into perspective your priorities, as well as the objectives you want to achieve and the needs you want to satisfy. To do this, draw a large circle which you will section with each area of your life (work, relationships, leisure, friends, hobbies, family, etc.) and give each one a score from the most important to the least dedicated.
7. Potentials vs. limitations
Knowing ourselves does not only imply highlighting our strongest points, but also evaluating our weaknesses in order to improve them. However, analyzing what we are not so capable of can be painful and difficult to face, but instead of discouraging you, think of it as a personal challenge to overcome.
Many people tend to believe that they are not good at almost anything, when this is not true. The way we solve problems, in how we help others, in the ability to organize and prioritize, in using creativity, etc, are great strengths that help us at all times.
So take a moment to analyze what your strengths and weaknesses are, if this is a little complicated on your own, then you can ask for help from your friends or family. This helps to have a different perspective of yourself and increase your confidence.
8. The motivation of small details
De-motivation is very common in our lives, it appears when we feel overwhelmed with obligations, when we see ourselves pigeonholed in a monotony, when we do not get good immediate results or when the routine settles in the same way.
But it is necessary that we find the impulse on our own to get ahead, after small daily actions that keep awake our interest and taste for what we do. To do this you can use:
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Motivational notes around the house.
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Create a list of curiosities you want to discover and take the time to find out.
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Have a different activity or hobby to practice for a while during the day.
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Go for a walk and stop to observe nature.
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Practice meditation, relaxation and breathing exercises.
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Give yourself a treat or reward at least once a week.
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Talk to your friends more often.
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Go for a walk or to a place that entertains you.
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Congratulate yourself for your achievements.
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Help who you can with what you can and when you can.
With these simple changes you will see how your emotions and actions begin to have a more stable and harmonious relationship in your daily life.