It is possible that throughout our lives we have encountered jealousy in our relationships, whether we have felt it ourselves or it has been felt by the other towards us. And we are not only talking about couples, but also with siblings, friends or co-workers, among others.
Sometimes, under the excuse of love, we justify jealousy, but the truth is that the only thing that jealousy hides is a fear of losing something or someone.This fear comes from the false idea that what we feel affection for or have a special bond with belongs to us.
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What is jealousy?
Jealousy in itself is an emotional response that we human beings have when we feel threatened to lose something. when we believe we are threatened to lose something we want and it makes us act in a certain way. Jealousy has been with us since the beginning of our history, and it is even talked about very naturally in texts of Greek mythology, for example. In fact, not only humans feel jealousy, some animals such as dogs are also jealous.
Now, starting from this definition we can say that jealousy is an instinctive emotion inherent in us, which might seem essential if we talk about protection. But the truth is that it can be a destructive emotion not only for ourselves, but for the people around us.
When we talk about relationships, jealousy arises from insecurity and fear of losing the other person. and this is triggered in situations in which we believe that the other person may love someone else, prefer someone else or give more attention to someone else than we receive.
In this sense, the first thing we think is that jealousy is only felt in couple relationships, but the truth is that it is only necessary to see a child who has just had a sibling to notice the jealousy between siblings for their mother; to enter an office and see the jealousy of some because of the favoritism of the boss towards one of their colleagues; or to see a group of friends in which some of them feel jealous because others share more than the other. jealous because others spend more time together than with one of them, for instance than with one of them, for example.
Why do we feel jealous?
We feel jealousy because from our first moment in this world we get the false idea that something belongs to us. At first our mother, then our friends and later our partner. If we would stop thinking that the other person belongs to us, there would be no reason for jealousy to arise.If we stopped thinking that the other person belongs to us, there would be no reason for jealousy to happen. But the truth is that we humans like to possess what is good for us, what gives us well-being and what we want; leaving aside toxic partners, of course.
This is why we often confuse love with possession and, therefore, we get involved in situations in which we feel jealousy, because we want to hold on to the other person. we want to hold on to the other person to us.. But the truth is that love gives freedom and wanting is possession, something very different. But before this, another fundamental characteristic appears that induces us or not to jealousy and over which we all have control: self-esteem.
When our self-esteem is where it needs to be, we are able to love and give freedom to the other person, because we know who we are, we trust ourselves and we feel secure. Jealousy appears to a great extent when our levels of self-esteem are low.. Then we believe we are insufficient, undeserving of the other person and inferior to others. When we do not love ourselves, we see non-existent threats everywhere and with them, jealousy.
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Jealousy is not a demonstration of love
Many people justify the jealousy that they feel like demonstrations of love, and under that excuse, they control their partner emotionally, because they hide behind ideas of love.They hide behind ideas such as wanting to protect the other person and take care of him/her. But nothing further from that, jealousy is not love, but fear and insecurity.
A person who controls your messages, what you do, how you dress or who you talk to, does not do it from love, because love does not limit freedom. He does it from his need for possession and from his insecurity due to his low self-esteem, which leads him to be afraid of losing you. People like this, with an unhealthy jealousy, can be extremely toxic and drag you into a world of emotional manipulation that no person should be subjected to.
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We feel positive jealousy when before a certain situation, that voice of alert is turned on in our mind so that we pay more attention to a certain situation that can really endanger, for example, our relationship. This is the case when we notice that the presence of a third party is a real threat, where jealousy is that alarm bell that tells us to be careful..
But be careful, because this can be the perfect justification for the most jealous and it is not about that either. Starting because the situation must be real and not invented by a wrong reading of the facts that we make in our head, nor because that’s how we want to see it. A real threat must exist and it must not be one that arises from our insecurity. The fundamental thing here is that to positive jealousy we react with emotional maturity..
How to stop being jealous
If you are aware that you are a jealous person, you have already taken the first step, which is to recognize it. Now, the most important thing to stop feeling jealousy is to work on your self-esteemyour self-esteem, your self-esteem, your self-confidence and the value you place on yourself as a person. It may sound cliché, but until you do it, you will not stop feeling jealousy.
Unless you are with a really toxic person who justifies your jealousy, the reality is that threatening situations are in your head. But when you realize what a wonderful woman you are, these situations will gradually disappear, because you really know that the other person can really love you and that you deserve that love and that you deserve that love, that it is free of threats.
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